So two weeks ago was a turning point in my life, when I found a receipt in my husbands jeans for a dinner on a night he had said he was at a friends. I confronted him and he confessed to having an affair – but he said it was over. We are still together as he wants to work through it, and I do too, but I cant help but feel I could have done something more to prevent it? What if I was more attentive in the bedroom, or tried to surprise him? This whole situation has made me feel unattractive and unwanted, and I’m worried if I don’t change he will do it again? Just wondered your thoughts….?
THE MISTER SAYS:
First of all, you need to stop blaming yourself for your husbands indiscretion. I assume from what you’ve said that this was a one off or short term thing, and assume your husband feels sufficiently guilty for what he has done? Rather than playing the blame game, I would suggest you have a very frank conversation about what his motivations for cheating were, and then consider if you’re able to forgive him and move on. Here is a good chance to solve the underlying of why he cheated, and chances are it’s something you can both resolve, but you have to make sure you don’t blame yourself.
THE MISTRESS SAYS:
This is an interesting one, because as a mistress my take on affairs is often the men chasing a fantasy. That’s what mistresses and the “other women” are there for – because momentarily the men want something unobtainable as they are unsatisfied at home. But that’s not to say they are unsatisfied with you, so I fully agree with Mister. You can’t blame yourself. So yes, talk to him about why he cheated, and make sure he is being honest about if it really is over or it was only once. I have a hard time believing men would be honest about this aspect if they didn’t offer up the confession willingly. So trust your gut here if you know he won’t do it again, and get to the root of the problem and just look forward with how you can both help to fix it.